YOUR STYLE IN HIS HANDS.

Today was another day to run my imaginations deep. In order to do this I needed insight and it came in the form of a TV show on TLC channel (DSTV) called Your Style In His Hands.

A couple has been married for 12 years with two daughters. They were college sweethearts before they got married so it's been a pretty long love-relationship. Initially, the woman gave up her job and moved with her husband to a new city because of his job. His job was paying very well. She then became a housewife, doing all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, taking care of the daughters, etc. 
Slowly, she started losing confidence in herself. She began to gain weight, the kind of weight gain associated with child birth, but it was not so much, and no matter how hard she tried, the belly fat just won't go down. She started to care less about herself and more about her husband and kids. She didn't have time to shop for clothes to make her look more appealing but rather resorted to wearing loosely - fitted sweat pants, sweat shirts, slacks, pajamas and all those loose dresses that hid all her curves and swallowed her up, making her look shapeless. She cared less. 
Her husband still loved her very much, but he couldn't stand her lack of confidence and general outlook to life as a wife and mother. He especially couldn't stand the way she dressed and became worried, hence seeking for help from the anchors of the show.

His help? The anchors and producers gave him a task. He was to discard every item he didn't like in her wardrobe and replace the wardrobe with a new set of clothes, shoes, bags, etc, all for a whooping sum of£5,000 (did I hear you whistle or raise an eyebrow? Yep, your guess is as good as mine). He would do this by shopping at two different malls in 5 days while she would be away from him, away from the house, elsewhere trying to gain her confidence and self esteem back. It was quite a daunting task because the man knew next to nothing about women fashion and didn't even find shopping interesting. However, he conquered his worst fears, clung onto his love for her after 12 years of marriage and bought her a £5,000 wardrobe! Interesting!

My point exactly? Married men need to take a serious cue from this man. If you think it's easy for a woman to give birth and battle with belly fat and weight gain, then you should probably imagine yourself as a woman. Think again, men! 
If your wife's lifestyle changes for reasons best known to you both and you don't find it comfortable, if her choice of dressing bothers you a lot, if her confidence or self esteem gives you sleepless nights, if you wish (or want) for her to improve to at least half the person she was as a spinster before she became a mother and it eats into your soul even though you still love her, don't just sit there insulting her about being a fat housewife. Don't just sit there and complain and nag about how unattractive she looks. Don't just foolishly get yourself falling for the temptation of adultery. Don't just look at her and ignore her, pretending you don't care when in fact you are slowly dying inside you because she doesn't flatter you as she used to. Get up and do something! If she can't shop because of time factor, help her overcome it for the greater good of you both. That is why husband and wife are supposed to be help mates, I guess. 
***(clears throat, whispers). Please, I didn't say you should go and steal 5,000 pounds to buy the universe for her***

Women aren't left out. Help yourselves. If it bothers you so much that it bothers your husband, please help yourself too so the man doesn't have to look outside to get satisfaction he craves for.

It is easier said than done, I know this. It is not so easy, but if more self consciousness, communication and knowledge were applied, then at least better results would surface.

Niqui Anekwe©, 2015.