BEING CALM.

During my time as a Batch B youth corps member serving the fatherland in Edo state, I witnessed a very dramatic situation I learned a thing or two from.

While I was serving in Edo, I lived in a 5 bedroom shared apartment with other fellow 'corpers', some of them were my 'seniors' in Batch A while others were my 'juniors' in Batch C. I lived in my own self contained room space so the only thing I shared with others was the kitchen. I met and became friends with a young lady, Nkiru (real name witheld). She was about the same age as I was and in the same Batch B. She lived in the bigger shared masters room with two other girls. Mary, 29 as at the time, was one of those girls Nkiru shared the room with and the three of us are from the Igbo tribe (Mary's real name also witheld).

Nkiru and I shared similar traits and values that made it easy for me to relate with her more than I could with Mary. She was a devout Catholic like myself who always strove to attend masses and always woke me up in the wee hours of the morning to pray the Rosary with her because she firmly believed in the part of the Bible where Jesus said, "Wherever two or three are gathered in my name, I am there in their midst..." We always topped the devotions with Catholic hymns and all those praise and worship songs that got us into the mood, after which I jejely went back to sleep until the day got brighter.

Between December 2014 and February 2015, Nkiru privately and occasionally began to table concerns about Mary's sudden behaviour before our local CLO, listing a bunch of examples, such as grumbling and nagging on a regular basis and never being satisfied with herself or with anyone, especially the rest of the corps members in that lodge. Alas, it turned out that she was not the only one who had made complaints. A handful of the corps members had even taken the matter up to our boss in our PPA. Nkiru categorically stated to the CLO that she was not comfortable sharing the same room with Mary and needed her own space. Mary would always just as easily find fault with any one of us and bear a grudge as she would walk into a store to purchase sachet water, then expect us to come prostrating before her in apology when there was no bone of contention. In a short time, every corps member had come to realize Mary as someone who always found it very easy to take but difficult to give. If she ever did give out something, there was something that was bound to happen. Actually, something was going to happen. I had noticed the kind of person Mary was but I kept my observations to myself. I told Nkiru to be wary of this room mate and to never, never accept or ask anything from her (Mary had previously given her food to eat when she had nothing on two occasions and stressed that she gave it from her heart).

By March 2014, Mary had began peddling slanders around the entire community, stating that Nkiru was a user, a thief and a wicked soul who came to Edo to finish all her provisions and food. She also called all the corpers in the lodge - including me - wicked souls who did not want her progress or happiness in life. She had seen and tagged Nkiru and I as idol worshippers because we lit blessed candles to invoke the Holy Spirit and the Holy Trinity whenever we prayed the Rosary. Hence she had began to snob us and all the corpers in the lodge and with the intervention of our boss, she moved out into another apartment where she continued scandalous slanders against us - the corpers who remained in the lodge she previously lived in. Word got around my ears faster than the speed of light and after a private confrontation with Mary in order to ascertain the root of the problem and seek out a solution, she embarrassed me in the public glare of the community. To say I was highly ashamed before a whole community of people I had never known before the time of Adam and Eve was an understatement with a classic degree. However, I could care less, knowing full well that I had nothing to do with her and she had nothing on me. So I couldn't be bothered by the false accusations. The one who was most emotionally and psychologically distraught was Nkiru.

There were days when Nkiru would come running into my room, crying like a hungry child and swearing before the heavens and earth of her innocence. There were moments where, drenched in tears, she swore upon her life that she was not a user or a thief, that she had never asked for the food and never asked to serve in Edo and be falsely accused over frivolities, that Mary was the one who was the first to approach her and "willingly" offer her food when she had nothing to eat and was too broke she couldn't afford to even buy Indomie from a provision store. I knew my instincts were cock sure when I intercepted the first signs of Mary's misdemeanor. It felt like a déjà vu then, almost as if I had seen this coming prior to the time the incidents occurred. Nkiru had fallen victim to a cold case of character and personality defamation and she couldn't bare to face the public community.

Whenever someone swears upon his/her life, it has be a serious case of will power of the mind to free itself from the threat it has perceived. We all did our best to placate her. One of the male corps members suggested that Nkiru act like Mary didn't exist in her world and continue to live normally, without giving a hoot of a regard to what the community was fed with.

At the end of May 2015, I noticed that Mary had waltzed back to normalcy out of the blues and reds and resumed talking to everyone she snobbed, especially Nkiru. Later on, I got to understand from Nkiru that Mary turned off her switch and started talking to Nkiru.
When I asked her what she did, she said she did absolutely nothing but act like Mary didn't exist until she came crawling out of the shit hole she buried herself in. I asked her if she confronted Mary or did anything fishy to which she replied, "Why do I need to confront her when we both know I'm innocent? This issue has already confirmed how immature and lonely she is battling with multiple personality disorder. Not everyone can take the shit I did. I don't have the strength to fight either so I couldn't fight her, otherwise I still wouldn't have had my peace of mind. Sometimes, it's not all about gra gra, gra gra. Sometimes one just needs to sit back, relax and let the truth overshadow stupidity and shallowness. Sometimes, silence is both golden and diamond-like."
***

The calmness and ease with which Nkiru took hold of the situation as opposed to open challenges and physical fighting of this present day marveled me despite the emotional faux pas and drama that came with it and this is where the central focus of the message lies.

The way and manner in which one is able to comport oneself and accurately take charge of a challenging situation in the midst of trials and temptations goes a long way in establishing one's character and attitude to problem-solving. My point is that sometimes, it is not necessary, useful, helpful or wise to exhibit aggression as a problem-solving skill. An aggressive attitude does not help, neither will it ameliorate the situation in question.

Have you ever been falsely accused and your character and personality defamed? Fighting the antagonist and acting with gra gra will not vindicate you. Instead, it will only place you neck-deep in frustration such that you become afraid of that person.

Who is that antagonist? Is it not a mere human being? Why should you let yourself fall beneath a mere mortal soul who cannot do jack to you? The antagonist is meant to be scared of you. He/she cannot face you fair and square and that gives him/her the leverage to go behind your back in order to gain attention and spotlight, leaving you befuddled and overwhelmed.

Be calm. Take charge and act like an adult with tact. Use your common sense to turn things around instead of aggression and violence. Let the truth vindicate you such that the antagonist will end up being the stupid one.

Be calm.
***

Niqui Anekwe (June cover story)
Imaginations Run Deep.